new update

well, as hubby been working on the car, today he decided to try working the explorer again only to find yet ANOTHER FLAT TIRE! what is this 3 in 2 or 3 months now? i dont particularly have the courage to actually look back & see (check blog or actual tire paperwork) sigh
found out the one set of neighbors house went into foreclosure, after they put all kinds of money into remodelling their newly purchased home a few years ago. they just got a 40' haul along trailer to move out with. (yes i know, NOT proper english) guess they have money to move out if they werent paying their mortgage. i dunno.
hubby keeps tries to keep MY spirits up telling me that we're moving too but i dont understand how dumb he thinks i am when i KNOW we dont have money to fix one car, where does he think he gonna get money to move? lol God Bless my sweet husband.
we had to cancel an appt with regular doctor...cuz of having no car....but guess it would not really have mattered if i made it since i have no new news on the heart doc since he never called... i'd BET the doc still has the pink order form that's suppose to GO to the heart doc so they know to call!!!!! lol
oh my Lord i can only laugh at this point, maybe i've finally gone over the edge & just aint bright enough to realize it yet (shrugs shoulders) but i have lost all the anger, by giving Him all my worries. :) it is ALL in His Hands from this point (actually about a week ago) on.
keep us in your prayers as i AM doing the same for you. :) thanx for stopping by

9/11

WE WILL NEVER FORGET!
although i have no direct connection to any lives lost, that day, 10 years ago now, it changed the lives of all Americans regardless. i will forever shudder when i see those planes hit AND when i watch the buildings fall! most times i even break into tears, as well. i will never forget the fear of that day, sitting at home alone, while hubby (who was bf then) was at work near the O'Hare airport in Chicago & son was at school. i called John to come home, when i actually saw the second plane hit, as I knew it was, at that point, a terrorist attack. He & fellow workers knew nothing of it & said he couldnt just leave work. His son calls & told me to get dad home, but i explained that dad couldnt just leave work... none of them really thought this was anything major. i was just worried about him being in such a famous city, cuz we had no idea what or where would next be targeted.
To this day, i dont remember son or hubby coming home that day, was in too much shock, but do know i was completely relieved they made it. i think we all sat down & tried to figure out what was truly going on. only thing we could do was continue on the best we could & we did... til it effected the business John worked for & he was let go. we have struggled by since 9/11 with hubby getting mostly minimum wage jobs until we moved to California & he found a good job designing high end furniture. luckily he had that job for about 3 years before the declining economy effected the amount of orders for expensive furniture & he, again, found himself jobless. that has been over 3 ago now & since then son wound up supporting us more & more as hubby's unemployment benefits eventually ran out.
Today son is soul provider, as we sit on two broke down vehicles. son been taking bus to work, only AFTER walking almost 2miles to get to bus stop & when he gets off at 3, he waits for the 4:30 bus & is home by 6.
we HAVE been surviving & it all started with 9/11.
That is my 'I Survived 9/11' story. what's yours??

SO FED UP!

i turn to my fellow man for help here & on twitter & get slammed for asking for help??? when i still see & hear how others have a donate button on their blogs & get money for their 'FREEBIES' & i cannot get one dime of help? UNBELIEVABLE to me that i am told i have no couth & am an embarassment FOR asking for money (even WHEn WORD I USED WAS HELP!!) for personal gain!!!! i could just explode with madness right now!! i gave for years and years when i could and when i need some help, i get accused of alll kinds of horrible things, told i could get money if i used what's between my legs, told to get the crack pipe out of my mouth, told to get off the internet & save money (when they havent a clue that SON pays 4 it!!) I AM FURIOUS!! EVEN had bitch tell me i ruined it for her, now she looks like a stalker cuz SHE wanted 2 move in wth or clean for some celeb i asked! FORGIVE ME FOR THINKING MY FELLOW HUMAN CARED!

NOW what to do?

well not only am i STILL waiting for my heart doc appt. AND we had two days of thunderstorms & 10 power outage (always fun)but NOW the new car stops working!! ANND the explorer had a flat tire, so hubby put on the spare and this morning he couldnt go to school but also has a new tire that went flat!! i'm DONE!!
we pray, we believe, we hold onto our faith and still cant catch a break!! so a 'friend' takes hubby down to store so we can eat but what the hell are we gonna do the rest of the week in getting son to work!?? i can not do this any more!! we have struggled for most of 10 years now and LAST week son basically gave hubby his whole check, that's so nice but it aint right! i couldnt get any bluer. not suicidal but how can we continue to do this, where will it be better? and when?
any one who really cares to help, please contact me so i can share paypal info. yes, it's finally turned to this :(
oh well, thought i'd give ya an update before i start blubbering. see ya later

quick update

had my doc appt tues and found out that all last week while his staff was suppose to be making my heart doc appt, they did nothing, cuz as we sat with the doc, he seemed annoyed when he pulled out this large PINK, bright pink paper which WAS my heart doc order!!! unbelievable!! so now he was concerned that i had to take a nitro on saturday night & REALLY wants me to get an angiogram where they will look inside & see what's going on or a circulatory test which is a dye injected to see if everything is flowing properly AND on top of that he still thinks my chest, arm pain (&numb hand & fingers) might still be skeletal or muscular!! sigh im just soooooooo tired all the time, tired of pain, tired of not being able to feel the keys under my pinky finger ever, just tired of it all. so i also found out that my local heart doc will only do stress tests as a favor to one of the retired docs, but will not accept my medical as his patient. what an ass and he is chief of staff of the local hospital!!!!!!! pompous ass. oh well, wish i had better news but i just feel like nothing's getting done AND im doing all i can! bottom line is no1 cares! thank YOU for caring! it really helps me thru! xoxoxoxooxoox will keep ya posted.

looks like surgery

Yep! looks like me ol' stents need replacing! i am sure to get final test results on tues. (had to change monday appt to tues since hubby starts school again monday). had a pulmonary function test & mamogram this week. but last nite i had to take another nitro. :( pretty much confirming that this chest/arm pain with my numbing fingers & hand is heart troubles again. pretty scared but gotta go thru it anyway.
i'll keep ya updated, if you keep me n your prayers... deal? :)
xoxoxo

Nothing much...

going on. still have two weeks til TWO of my upcoming tests (sigh). altho' i have been feeling stronger, my left hand is still tingling with middle, ring & pinky fingers going slightly numb all the time. weird. my only girlfriend out here is in the hospital, OVEr an hour away, where they want to put me!! long way to visit :(
i do have some awesome news to share but for reasons that will be explained later, i cannot yet share.... but i can tell you that i met an online friend recently.... hmm who was it! lol i just want to make sure they get home before i start telling everyone
'Hey these ppl arent home' to the world! :) im sure u understand! been almost a week now and she should be home soon, so i can share soon!
big hugs and thank you so much for visiting this boring blog. lol